Embarassing

I hope he doesn’t embarrass you

I hope he doesn’t claim to be “sassy”

Which is another way to say you aren’t a man

I hope he doesn’t ruin your birthday

And drink one too many shots of the Grey Goose bottle he finished himself

I hope you don’t have to pick him up off the floor of the bar

I hope he doesn’t embarrass you by doing the splits in the bar

I hope you aren’t embarrassed to show him off

To kiss him in front of people

I hope he can make you come

I hope you enjoy his fingers

I hope they don’t hurt

I hope all these things for you 

Because at least they wouldn’t happen to you

Since they all happened to me.