Hard To Love

It’s hard to love

I don’t know why

It’s hard to surrender 

I have too much pride

I love my friends

It’s easy

I love my family

It’s natural

But loving another

Loving a man

It’s impossible

IT scares me

It’s terrifying 

Not the love itself

The pride that exists between us

I take pride in the fact that I have not shed a tear

I take pride that my heart is still intact

I’m not ready to give that up

I can’t let go of that purity

The cleanliness 

The perfect streak

It’s easy to break another

But not easy to let yourself get broken

It was never my intent to hurt you

I loved you as a person

I loved your kindness

I love how you loved me

But I can’t return it

I’m sorry

I can’t give it to you

I can’t give myself to you

It hurts that I hurt you

It hurts that I didn’t  feel hurt

I hurt because I hurt you

Because I wasn’t hurt

I said goodbye 

Then I asked your friends if you were alright

They said the truth

They said what I expected, but what I selfishly didn’t want to hear

I’m crying in a bar

I’m crying because I hurt you

My pride has been broken

My wall has been cracked

I feel like I’m in at battle with my own heart 

I’m sorry

That mine is still intact 

I cry because I hurt the one who loved me

But I could love you back