Relapse

Relapse

It feels like failure

It feels uncontrollable 

Inevitable

A cannon event

The disease is taking over

It hits me in the dark

Like a knife in the back

A betrayal of my progress

a calculated attack

I feel so good for a while

Then all of the sudden I collapse

In a pool of tears

Feeling hopeless

I don’t see the point of it all

I feel like the days are repeated

Everything is the same 

Time moves around me

And that brings me pain

I don’t see the point of it all

Why are we here?

They say Jesus is our anchor.

He gives us a purpose 

And we each play a part

I believe it, but I still don’t understand

Why do I hurt?

Why is it me?

Why does it feel like everyone is thriving and moving on

While I am stuck in a pool of blood

Drowning myself

Yelling for help

But no one hears

So I relapse

And fall back

Again and again

Until I have had enough

And it all stops