Numb Again

Numb again

I'm trying to pretend 

I don't hurt

But I do

That I'm not broken

But I'm bruised 

They say we heal over time

That the pain is temporary 

But time feels like it's dragging on

And the pain follows shortly behind

I wish away the days

Counting down the seconds

Time feels like it's just spinning around me

like the clock is broken

Like it's barely moving

Like we are in this dance

We are trying to look graceful

But under the lavish dress

We are crushing each other's toes 

Trying to follow the steps

I lay in my bed

I stare at the sealing

Wondering why I'm here

Wondering what would happen if I didn't wake up from my slumber

I don't actually want to not wake up

But I don't want to continue 

I'm drowning in a sea, and I feel as though no one can hear me call for help.

I am surrounded by beauty standards

And diet culture

I'm trying so hard to fit in

But I just don't fit the mold

I try everything to attain the perfect image

But my efforts are eating away at my soul

I'm trying

And trying

But all my efforts are unsuccessful 

Instead of being left with the "perfect body"

I am just left with a raging hunger in my tummy

I am left with nothing

Except for a feeling of numbness